Blatant sexism is what I call it!

“The Not so Average Life of an Average Girl” is the nom de plume of a fellow blogger that isn’t a “fellow” at all. Indeed, it would seem that TNSALOAAG is an outspoken woman. (The worst kind of woman, if you ask me.) I thought it was worthwhile to take a break from advice to explore some ideas of TNSALOAAG. It would seem that the themes of her writing are quite relevant to why I decided to give advice to men.

TNSALOAAG addresses the fact that women are given much instruction on how to behave. This is incredibly unfair to men who must decide how to behave on their own. TNSALOAAG says that “women… were taught that their job WAS to cater to their husband’s every need.” And what of men? How are we to know what to do if no one tells us? Some rules given to women are to “[b]e funny but don’t talk too much… [a]nd smile but don’t seem overly interested or eager.” This advice is useful to both genders, so why was it directed specifically to women? TNSALOAAG also recounts the fact that “[n]obody likes a girl who can actually speak her mind.” Obviously, this advice is intended for women who don’t want to marry, as the type of men that don’t like outspoken women are those, like myself, that would rather have a tart than a life partner. However, TNSALOAAG forgets that men can use this information too. Men need to know that a lady doesn’t like an outspoken man any more than a man likes an outspoken woman, so that men may put off women by being outspoken too.

 TNSALOAAG finally starts talking sense when she points out that “even though there are modern literary works that suggest a change…, gender inequality is still extremely prevalent into today’s society.” The inequality shown to men is egregious indeed, and it’s good of this harpy to acknowledge it. TNSALOAAG further shows the inequality to men by stating that “the percent of women going to college is higher then that of men.” We live in a modern age where men should be treated the same as women. The unfair amount of attention women receive can only be combated by those, like myself, that give guidance to men as it has been given to women for so long.

The Not so Average Life of an Average Girl's blog can be found here: http://livefromnompton.blogspot.com/ 

How to Rid Oneself of a Good Woman

In my last bit of instruction, I touched upon two important measures to take when attracting the wrong woman. One must appear unintelligent and richly dressed. Some of you may say, “Old fellow, I’m afraid it’s too late for me. Before I saw your advice, I was a model of intelligence and a lack of pretension. I am betrothed as a result.” Well, this post is for you. It may be hard to get your lady to quit you by looking like an unintelligent show off. She has, unfortunately, already seen the good in you. Still, you aren’t married, so there is time yet. For a bit of help in how to rid oneself of a fine lady, we may look to such authors as Hester Mulso Chapone and James Fordyce.

If you have shown yourself to be intelligent, the remedy to the attraction that brings is to appear boring, and Chapone and Fordyce will be great references for anyone trying to appear as boring as possible. One may think that the way to appear boring is to have nothing to talk about. This is quite untrue. If you speak very little, your significant other will fill the emptiness with gabbing about lady things such as frocks and hair doodads. She will consider you an excellent listener and wrap her claws even tighter around you than before. One must talk to appear boring. The trick is to talk about boring things such as those mentioned by Chapone and Fordyce. Topics to avoid include anything that may make you seem too interesting and imaginative. You should never speak of a novel you have recently read. Novels are far too entertaining a topic to put anyone off. It was noted by Chapone that these “fictitious stories, that so enchant the mind… tend to inflame the passions of youth, whilst the chief purpose of education should be to moderate and refrain them.”

Instead of reading novels, you should follow Chapone’s advice and read historical texts. Don’t read recent history, as it may be too relatable. Chapone instructs as to which ancient texts to read and says that “[w]hen you have got through Rollin, if you add Vertot’s Revolutions Romaines… you may be said to have read as much as is absolutely necessary of ancient history. Plutarch’s Lives of famous Greeks and Romans… can never be read to so much advantage as immediately after the histories of Greece and Rome.” After you read these texts, give your opinions on them to your fair lady. Recounting the tousles of Lucius Cornelius Sulla Felix is a sure way to bore your woman half to death.

If history isn’t dull enough, then moral texts are worth a try. The ideas in texts such as Fordyce’s Sermons are either outdated or common sense, so discussing them will make listening to you unbearable. Share with your darling this sentiment of Fordyce’s, and try to act as sincere as possible when stating it:

“I am astonished at the folly of many women who are still reproaching their husbands for leaving them alone, for preferring this or that company to theirs, when, to speak the truth, they have themselves in great measure to blame. Had you behaved to them with more respectful observance studying their humours, overlooking their mistakes, submitting to their opinions in matters indifferent, giving soft answers to hasty words, complaining as little as possible your house might be the abode of domestic bliss.”

After you both bore and offend your lady, she will realize that as much as she loved you, she cannot spend her life with the drudgery of listening to you speak. You may rid yourself of a lady, and in her place you may frolic with a girl such as the one pictured below.

The excerpt from Fordyce's Sermons by James Fordyce was taken from: 

http://www.janeausten.co.uk/advice-to-young-women/

A copy of Hester Mulso Chapone's Letters on the Improvement of the Mind can be found as an e-book at:

http://www.gutenberg.org/catalog/world/readfile?fk_files=2085231 

Advice for Men

What kind of woman do all men really want? A trollop. That’s right. I’m not going to pussyfoot around the truth. A dandy, such as me, needs not to pretend that he seeks a wife. Many eligible bachelors fall into the trap of matrimony. I weep daily for my friends that succumb to the whim of a good woman. The way to avoid this trap is clear to me. One must appear unmarriageable to attract the right kind of woman, by which I mean the wrong kind of woman.

Women have many materials to reference in regard to conduct. Men, on the other hand, are left to be themselves, which is the worst social error one could possible make. To avoid this error, men may benefit from the advice given by Dr. John Gregory to his daughters in 1774. This advice was meant for the ladies, but I am here to translate some advice given to women into advice for men. As women were guided in social situations to find a the right man, so I will guide you to get the girls you desire.

The first bit of instruction is to never appear too intelligent. As Gregory told his daughters, “ if you happen to have any learning, keep it a profound secret.” Women love intelligent men. A brain is a sure way into a lady’s heart. An empty skull is a sure way into a hussy’s bed. Should you possess any intelligence, I urge you to hide it well. A more virtuous woman will be in raptures if you show too much common sense. A good way to hide common sense is to drink to excess and get in lots of fights. This behavior exhibits ignorance and virility. These are two traits that will excite a doxy most foxy. They will also put off any reasonable and virtuous women, so you can be sure that any woman that approaches you will not be interested in more than a roll in the sheets.

You may have gotten the attention of a nice looking chippy, but if you want to rodger that minx, you must keep her attention by looking presentable. Gregory tells us that “the love of dress is natural to you, and therefore it is proper and reasonable. Good sense will regulate your experience in it, and good taste will direct you to dress in such a way as to conceal any blemishes, and set off your beauties, if you have any, to the greatest advantage.” A dapper appearance such as mine shows good breeding and wealth. Most good time girls are terrible gold diggers, so it’s good to show off your money. I suggest you have as much money as possible. If you are lacking in money, you must pretend you have it. It is better to be thought tacky then to look poor. Observe this picture of me as an example.

I have a beautifully tailored and expensive suit of clothes. Notice the bling on my coat and vest. Strumpets love bling. I also wear a cravat, which is completely unnecessary as I am lounging about my house right now. This superfluous peacocking tells women that I find myself far too important to think that they are important. This is the kind of image that will attract the wrong girl. (Also, it’s worth noting that a well-powdered wig never hurts one's efforts with the tarts.) 

A Father's Legacy to his Daughters was written by John Gregory and a copy can be found here:   

 http://archive.org/details/fatherslegacytoh00greg